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Personal Writings

This page is very personal to me. It is filled with writings I have done throughout my college years. Each writing was filled with emotion and expression of every feeling that I felt at that very moment. I hope you enjoy reading them and maybe even find an answer in them.
-Kayleigh
*I will be updating this page periodically as I go through my writings.

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SMILE
By
Kayleigh Aichele
13. You’re 13 years old and the world is more confusing than ever. You are in a world where the only thing that matters are the clothes on your body and the bodies that surround you, those bodies which you call your friends. You have no recollection of the future or what it holds for you. But, right now, that is the least of your worries because it scares you that much.
At this age, routines are most important in your life. You do the same thing Monday through Friday. You get up. You brush your hair in the mirror. While brushing your hair you cannot help but notice the flaws that are staring right back at you. You do your best to push the negative thoughts out of your mind. You attempt to cover every flaw with makeup and make your way downstairs. You slowly walk through your kitchen refusing to make eye contact with anyone. Puberty tells you to be unkind. You grab breakfast quickly and make your way to the bus stop. This will soon be the only place you smile. A genuine smile. You look up and the reason for your smile is walking towards you. You feel something different inside. It is a feeling of butterflies overtaking your stomach. Your smile comes walking towards you and you guys speak for a few minutes. Your day is made. This becomes the most exciting part of your day, every day. You get on the bus and sit behind him so you can see just a glimpse of him, your smile. You put earbuds in and listen to the saddest songs possible and stare out the bus window. Suddenly your smile becomes distant as your mind wonders on other things. The rest of your day is a blur.
This routine continues. As the year goes on, you and your smile become best friends. It never left. Suddenly, you did not care about anything but your smile. But, life changes quickly and so do people. You express your feelings and the smile fades. You don't see each other as much.
13. Soon to be turning 14. Your routine changes. That smile walking toward you changed into dread. You dreaded this moment when who you called your first love won't speak to you because he feels awkward.
The last day of school comes and your old smile smirks and waves. This makes you feel somewhat better but somehow does not do the trick. The smile was not full. Therefore you were not complete.
Summer is here and you haven’t seen your smile in a few weeks. You become lonely. The mall trips with your friends become somewhat of a new routine. But, while you’re there your mind is secretly hoping your smile will appear again. It doesn’t. You find yourself spending your summer days searching for your smile. Hoping it will return and for a split second, it does.
14. You receive a text. This seems to be the only acceptable form of communication. Again, puberty tells you that you shouldn’t be social. Your smile appears on a little screen. Your smile wants to talk. You talk. Your smile is back. You can’t get rid of it this time. He likes you. This whole time he had feelings. You guys hang out almost everyday. Your smile has never been bigger. You guys don't date but it feels like it. Best friends with a hint of intimacy. Life was good.
15. The routine is going to change drastically. High school. You go with nearly nobody you know.
During your first year, you and your smile fade away from each other. Which is okay. Why? Because your smile has transformed into a human being who looks slightly different. This smile is slightly curved and has some imperfections. But, to you, it’s as perfect as it can be. This smile is far-fetched but is focused on throughout all of high school. Your smile consists of other things but it contains this human being at most.
18. Sitting in your house in late August wondering where the time went. In a few days, you are going to be headed to a new state with new smiles.
The smile comes full force. You are at a party and meet a boy. This time the smile is different. It is a lot more genuine than ever before. This smile is a lot like the smile you had at the age of 7. It smirks at the same things as you. You spend all the time you get with the smile and try harder than ever before. You spend hours talking about how much you like him and could actually see a future.
It was fun and exciting for a while. But, the smile becomes crooked. You find out he does not like you. Just like at 13, your smile fades away and dread moves in. You spend time self-pitying yourself and listening to sad songs like you did out the bus window. The routine becomes familiar, yet again.
19. You’re 19. Sitting in bed. You have changed. You realize your hopes, dreams and your smile become one. This is different. You suddenly feel okay being on your own and you no longer need that smile in human form. Your smile becomes something that does not leave. It’s reliable and is not something you only see around campus or at a bus stop.

Almost 20. Again, you are unsure what the future holds. But, this time with a smile that is 99% completed. And the other 1% you ask? Well, that’s what the future holds. Not a full smile, but someone who could add the last little curve. Until then, the smile is filled with more important things.
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INVISIBLE 
By
Kayleigh Aichele 
Hurt. It comes in a lot of forms. Sometimes you can feel hurt in a physical way, mental way, or sometimes you can’t feel it at all. People usually describe this as being numb. It’s confusing, though. How can you feel all of the emotions at once, but somehow nothing at all? It reminds me of the saying: “When a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?” The truth is, yes it does. Sometimes when you’re hurting it doesn’t mean the world stops. Just because people aren’t around to see the hurt doesn’t mean it isn’t there or happening. 

Always be kind.
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Indecisive Distance
By
Kayleigh Aichele
The definition of indecisive is as follows;  not having or showing the ability to make decisions quickly and effectively. I could describe myself as this. I crave both the closeness of the city lights but I also crave the distance. Being in the mix of the hustle and bustle creates a world where you feel untouchable. You feel so busy that your mind is a blank canvas. Sometimes this is needed. But, those times where your mind is a fully painted canvas is when you need to see those lights in the distance. They create an image in your head and leave your brain with endless possibilities. Some nights you crave both. Not knowing what you need at that moment but wish you could be selfish and have both.
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100%
By:
Kayleigh Aichele
It started with me giving you only 25% of me. That was a good amount, for me. Never have I ever been completely captivated by someone. That was until I gave you the rest of the percentage. You had all 100% of me. My thoughts, unknown, were different from yours. Not knowing this, I continued to give you 100% of me. You slowly became my person. Not often do I do anything for myself or talk to anyone about my true deep feelings. You got that out of me with what felt like no effort at all. For some reason giving 100% , to you, was the easiest thing I have ever done. You were my first heartbreak. Completely broken. The second my heart broke I regretted every percentage ever given to you. Until I realized why you came into my life. You are the reason I am working on bettering myself. You are the reason I am sitting in this coffee shop by myself writing again. 100% was worth it.
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